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Charlie Sheen Done with Drugs, Now Selling Coffee and Animal Blood
Hollywood/Chicago: The beat goes on for Charlie Sheen. Now content with taking only the drug known as ‘Charlie Sheen’, Sheen has traded his addiction to drugs and hookers in for an addiction to...
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Meet the Boy who Visited Heaven and Played with Jesus’ Purple Headband
Imperial, NE: After a burst appendix nearly cost 4-year-old Colton Burpo his life in 2003, his parents were thankful just to have him alive and well. But when he opened his formerly bratty mouth about...
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Born Again Roethlisberger Says No to Living with Fiancee, Yes to Hookers
Pittsburgh, PA: In one of the clearest signs yet of Ben Roethlisberger’s futile attempts to change his reputation, the Steelers quarterback has told a Pittsburgh newspaper that his new religious...
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NFL Owners Discuss Other Ways to Discuss the Lockout with Players
New York, NY: As the NFL Lockout looms on with no end in sight, NFL Ownership held secret meetings in Washington, D.C. Though secret, intrepid reporters from the Inept Owl were able to use advanced...
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Amy Winehouse No Longer in Need of Rehab
London, England: As word came down this weekend that Amy Winehouse had finally succumbed to the unenviable miseries of stardom, adulation and millions of dollars by croaking in her home, fans of the...
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New York Jets Pre-Season Report…Well, Some of It
Jersy Shore, NJ:News flash: double negatives aside, Rex Ryan is not fat for no good reason, and his laziness has now permeated the scouting department. In what has become a trend, Jets scouts have once...
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Tina Fey Has New Baby Girl, Denies Rumors of Old Baby Girl
Shortly after news reports came out that Tina Fey had a new baby girl, her publicist had to immediately squash rumors that she actually had an old baby girl. The Smoking Gun had come out with a story...
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Chuck Palahniuk Drafts Choke II in Honor of Red Sox
Boston, MA: Author Chuck Palahniuk, noted for such books as Fight Club and Choke has turned to nonfiction for the first time. In December (just in time for the holidays), Scribner will be releasing...
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Pennsylvania’s Happy Valley Changes to Predator Paradise
State College, PA: In the wake of the recent Jerry Sandusky/Penn State molestation scandal, the residents of Happy Valley, the nickname bestowed upon State College from residents throughout the state,...
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Reflections in a Mirror and Reflections in Greatness: Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez
Happy Endings Beyond the obvious greatness of these two NFL stars, Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez, when one digs beneath the surface you realize just how similar these two great QB’s are. The differences...
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